


During This Night (I Hold You Close)

by pinkeow



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Idols, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Deephwi, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, baejin is caring, hold me, i love my kids, idk this is just soft, jinhwi, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-26 02:11:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12049146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkeow/pseuds/pinkeow
Summary: For you will always have my hand to hold every time the loneliness in your heart consumes you and the light of day seems so far away.





	During This Night (I Hold You Close)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cataIyst](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cataIyst/gifts).



> hellooo, this is my first jinhwi fic and idk what to think of this lol  
> i just love the both of them so much like why are they so clingy ;-;  
> comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!
> 
> enjoy!
> 
> for bella, because you support me in my jinhwi obsession. thanks for tagging me in those jinhwi tweets, they make my heart all fuzzy hehe

Jinyoung doesn’t know what wakes him up.

It’s late at night, the stars twinkling brightly in a myriad of constellations from their bedroom window. The whole dorm is silent, except for Sungwoon’s light snoring from the single bed at the other side of the room. Darkness engulfs Jinyoung like a cloud of black dust, his eyes finding it hard to adjust to the dim atmosphere.

He had been sleeping peacefully, though dreamless and blank when a certain force suddenly yanked him out of his slumber. Now he lies awake, staring at the neatly organized pieces of steel that hold the upper portion of the bunk bed he is in.

He twists and turns, trying to find a comfortable position to lie in but in any way he moves it becomes either too hot or too cold. His mind is also going into overdrive, Jinyoung unable to shut it off and go back to the sweet tendrils of sleep. It makes him think of a specific co-member who he’s been especially attached to.

_Is Daehwi still asleep?_

The raven-haired boy slowly gets up, the mattress making a slight creaking noise at the movement. He whips his head to where Sungwoon is sleeping, afraid that he might have disturbed him but when he finds the elder still snoring away, he breathes a sigh of relief. With their schedules being heavily packed due to back-to-back performances and tv guestings, everyone deserves as much shut eye as they can get. Their world’s going at such a fast pace that sometimes Jinyoung feels like he can no longer catch up. However, he tells himself that this is his dream so he either has to suck it up or go home weeping.

Jinyoung continues to slip out of the bed, his feet stepping on the cold tiled floor that it makes him shiver. He glances up, expecting to see a certain blonde-haired boy whom he adores but instead, there’s only an empty bed, the sheets disheveled and lacking the presence of the said boy. Jinyoung’s eyebrows scrunch in confusion as he makes his way to the door.

_Where could he be?_

 

The dorm is still quiet once Jinyoung gets out of the bedroom. He lightly pads his way to the kitchen, his footsteps making weird noises that echo throughout the whole house. “Daehwi-ya?” He whispers, looking for his roommate. “Where are you?”

No answer.

He tries the bathroom, knocking on the wooden door repeatedly, whispering the younger’s name from his small lips, asking if he’s inside. Minutes pass by and Jinyoung deduces that unfortunately, Daehwi is not inside there as well.

He searches through the whole first floor of their dorm, even going inside the rooms of the members as quietly as he can. At one point, Daniel wakes up, brown hair sticking in different directions and asks what Jinyoung is doing up so late at night but the latter only smiles meekly and says that it’s something he doesn’t have to worry about.

Jinyoung plops himself down on the sofa in the middle of the living room, intertwining his fingers and propping his chin atop of them. He wonders where Daehwi is, a slight inkling of worry seeping through his veins. Did he leave? Is he okay?

Amidst his inner musing, he hears a soft crying from the upper level of the dorm. The voice sounds broken and weak—like that person’s loneliness is tearing him at the seams and making him fall apart. The sound disturbs Jinyoung so much, his heart starts clenching and his stomach gets queasy. _Is that, is that Daehwi?_

He rushes atop the flight of stairs, his legs stiffening at the sudden exertion, and he sees him.

Daehwi is sitting alone on the floor, arms wound around his legs and face buried in them, his body drowning in the lavender sweater he is wearing. He’s sobbing, loud enough to let his emotions loose and soft enough to not wake up the other members. Jinyoung frowns, unsure whether to approach the crying boy or not, so he speaks.

“Love?”

Daehwi freezes at the familiar sound of his hyung’s voice. Lifting his head up hesitantly, he immediately wipes the traces of tears from his cheeks, hands rubbing vigorously at the soft expanse of his skin. “H—hyung” The young blonde stutters, his lower lip still trembling from the crying he has done. “What are you doing here?”

Jinyoung’s gaze softens as he approaches him, he’s being extra careful, trying his hardest not to burst the fragile bubble enclosing them. “I was looking for you.” He sits himself down next to Daehwi, legs crossed over each other. Daehwi hums in response, not really in the mood to give a proper reply.

They don’t say anything to each other for a while.

The atmosphere is tense. With no words being exchanged, their feelings are all bottled up, clogged inside their hearts. Jinyoung probably has too many questions running inside his mind and Daehwi feels that the elder might be disappointed at him because he has hidden something from him again.

Jinyoung always tells Daehwi that if loneliness ever comes back knocking at his door, then he should try to leave that door unopened and just talk to the elder. Jinyoung’s going to be there to listen to him and comfort him and help him carry the weight of the world. Daehwi agrees whenever Jinyoung says all of that stuff and he’s overly thankful because he has someone like his Jinyoung-hyung who’s willing to run the extra mile for him. However, despite the elder’s constant reminders, Daehwi can’t help but hide from him sometimes. He feels guilty, Jinyoung’s stressed enough as he is, he shouldn’t make him worry even more and burden him with his own petty problems.

That’s why Daehwi sneaks out in the middle of the night, as silent and elusive as a cat, to weep his sorrows away. It’s effective since he gets to wallow in his sadness, he doesn’t bother the others, and Jinyoung doesn’t have to take care of him.

Well, it _was_ effective, right up until this moment.

Because Jinyoung is sitting right next to him offering him silent comfort and although Daehwi finds himself clinging to the elder’s warmth, that traitorous voice inside his head is what makes him run further away.

_Burden. Burden. Burden._

It whispers to him. Viciously.

Daehwi sighs and huddles to himself tighter, his pretty fingers picking at the loose threads of his pajamas. He hates himself, hates how he’s feeling so sad, hates how he’s been hiding from Jinyoung, hates how he can’t seem to find the strength to talk to someone about what he’s feeling. What’s wrong with him?

Jinyoung’s voice, timid but clear, cuts through the stillness in the air as he asks. “Do you want to talk about it?” He doesn’t directly ask him what’s wrong, asking permission first whether the younger wants to open up to him or not. That’s the thing with Daehwi, though he may be loud and cheery, you still have to handle him with the utmost care, you have to carefully unravel him.

Daehwi shrugs, eyes still downcast and Jinyoung would have missed it if he hadn’t turned his head at that exact moment. “I—I don’t know, hyung.”

Jinyoung nods to himself, respecting the younger’s decision not to talk. He’s itching to know what’s bothering Daehwi—desperate, but it’s no use when the younger’s not willing to share anything. Jinyoung just can’t force it out of him, he doesn’t want to hurt Daehwi. He thinks that if it’s only possible to transfer the pain Daehwi’s feeling onto him then he’s willing to do it in a heartbeat. Those ill thoughts shouldn’t have to haunt such a beautiful and pure boy.

Seeing as there’s no use trying to get Daehwi to speak, Jinyoung suddenly pulls the younger close to his chest, trapping him in between his legs. Jinyoung hears a squeak of surprise erupt from Daehwi’s lips but the younger relaxes once he feels the elder’s long arms encaging him. If words cannot help then Jinyoung decides that actions can speak for him, it’s the only way for him to make Daehwi feel a whole lot better.

Jinyoung rests his chin atop Daehwi’s thick mop of hair as the younger nuzzles closer to his neck. It’s nice, the whole hugging thing they’re doing. Jinyoung hums a tune, a lullaby his mom used to sing to him all the time when he was still a child. She said that it would keep away the monsters hiding under Jinyoung’s bed.

Jinyoung feels a wetness on his skin and he realizes that Daehwi is crying again. A whole wave of panic courses through him. The exact opposite is happening, he’s supposed to provide comfort not make the younger sadder. He grabs Daehwi’s face, nose stuffed and eyes rimmed red, in his hands and he starts to frantically wipe the tears away.

“Dae—Daehwi-ya? Love? I made you cry,didn’t I? I’m sorry. Hyung’s sorry.”

Daehwi shakes his head, a few tears spraying in Jinyoung’s direction. “No—no hyung.” He denies. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“But—“

“I promise, it’s not your fault.”

Jinyoung rubs small circles soothingly on Daehwi’s smooth skin, his eyes showing the utmost concern. “I’m so worried about you.”

Daehwi closes his eyes, the tears threatening to spill again. He can’t look at Jinyoung directly, it makes him want to break down even more. It’s always Jinyoung who has to look after him, it’s always Jinyoung who has to help him get back up, it’s always Jinyoung who has to hold him close and make things better. Daehwi’s so, so tired of having to be taken care of.

“I’m—I’m sorry, hyung.” He stutters. “I’m sorry that I have to be like this. I’m sorry that I always let you go through a lot of pain.”

“Hey—hey Daehwi look at me,” Jinyoung asks him but the younger does not follow, too broken and embarrassed to do so. Jinyoung places a hand under Daehwi’s chin and lifts it up to meet eye to eye with the younger. “You know that I love you right?”

Silence.

Jinyoung continues. “And I have told you a million times over that whether you’re happy or sad I’ll always be here for you because you’re important to me and it pains me greatly whenever I see you falling apart. You don’t have to always be alone, Daehwi-ya. I’m here.”

“I—I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Daehwi cries as Jinyoung still holds him like a fragile piece of glass. It hurts. His heart hurts so bad that he can’t seem to breathe and he no longer wants to feel like this. Daehwi wants to stop drowning in his fears and anxieties and spread his wings again so he speaks, small and hesitant. “I just—I’m so scared…I thought after we got into the top 11 and debut things would be easier, but hyung—“ His voice breaks. “I was wrong. There’s so much pressure, I don’t want to let anyone down.”

Jinyoung sweeps a stray strand of hair from Daehwi’s forehead before he replies. “Listen to me, you’re doing your best okay? You’re a great singer and dancer and you put a smile on everyone’s faces, so how could you possibly let people down?”

“I—“

“And who told you that? I’m gonna give him a lesson or two.” The elder threatens.

“No! Hyung! No—no one did. I just…” Daehwi’s voice trails off. His eyes are on the floor again, an apparent nervous habit of his.

“You just?”

“I told myself that.”

The elder’s lips purse into a thin line, unhappy at knowing how the younger is beating himself up. “You’re really overthinking Daehwi-ya. You always exert your utmost effort in everything you do so don’t think that you’ll ever be a disappointment to anyone.”

“…”

“I know you’re pressured, we all are—“

“You are too?” Daehwi abruptly cuts him off and Jinyoung nods.

“Of course I am, I’m only human, but it’s important that we don’t succumb to it. I know it’s hard.”

Daehwi blinks back tears as he chokes out. “It—it is.”

Jinyoung gets even closer. “And it’s okay to be sad but remember just as I’ve said, you can never disappoint us Daehwi, there are so many people who love you.”

“…Okay.”

Jinyoung’s so relieved to hear this that a grin spreads across his face, bright and cheerful. At least they’re getting somewhere. His large hands reach for the younger’s own smaller ones and encase them in a vice-like grip as he pulls Daehwi up from where he’s sitting. “Come on get up.”

In a struggle, Daehwi wipes his puffy face on his sweater sleeve all the while trying to stand. “Wh—where are we going?”

“Outside.”

“But we’re not allowed to leave the dorm!” The younger protests with a voice that’s gone nasal from all the crying. All the members know this, there’s a policy that their agency has implemented which prohibits them from going anywhere at their own will. If the staff finds out then they’ll surely have their heads placed on a silver platter.

“What they don’t know won’t kill them,” Jinyoung says off-handedly, no fear whatsoever.

“We could get punished.” Daehwi sniffles as he says this. Seriously, he’s thankful that Jinyoung comforted him but what’s this hyung doing right now, dragging him into something that could get them in trouble?

“Love, stop worrying. We won’t be gone for long I promise and we’ll be back before you know it.” Jinyoung places a reassuring hand on Daehwi’s shoulder, a reminder that he’ll never leave the younger alone. “And—I just think that you aren’t that fine yet, so I want you to take a breather.”

With no other questions, Daehwi finally relents, always too weak for Jinyoung.

 

The air which kisses their skins is cool and pleasant. A good amount of stores are open, with sleep-deprived cashiers manning the counters. The two boys make their way slowly and sneakily along the streets by their dorm in order to avoid recognition from passersby. There’s still that small amount of fear in Daehwi’s mind but as Jinyoung holds his hand tighter and leads him further, he feels that fear slowly ebbing away. He’ll always trust Jinyoung.

“A park amphitheater?” Daehwi asks when they arrive. The whole place is deserted, except for the two of them and maybe the occasional creepy-crawly on the ground. The structure in front of them looks old but the intricate details are still visible enough to show its beauty. This amphitheater must have been packed back in the day.

“Yep,” Jinyoung responds as he tugs on Daehwi’s arm to get him to come up the steps. “Isn’t it nice?”

“It is.” They sit right in the middle of the stage, unbothered by the thick dust and few bits of litter here and there. “How’d you even find this place?”

“When one of the staffs asked me to buy some stuff from the convenience store I didn’t want to go home immediately so I wandered off a bit and I found this place. I’ve been wanting to go back ever since.”

“You and your adventures hyung.” The younger chuckles softly and it puts Jinyoung at ease, knowing that Daehwi’s gradually being happy again.

Jinyoung doesn’t reply to the other’s comment. He only points an arm to the distant sky, his eyes glistening in delight. “Look, you can really see the stars from here.” And it’s true, the view from there is breathtaking. In the vast expanse of the night sky, the millions of little yellow dots, take up all the space. Without the presence of heavy clouds, all the luminous balls of light have come out to say hi to them. It’s like a whole mess of Christmas lights up there.

Daehwi admires every single one of them, the young boy absolutely enthralled by their beauty. When will he ever get another chance to go stargazing like this? Probably not soon, so he relishes every single moment of it.

“We’re like them you know.” Jinyoung suddenly speaks, eyes still looking upward.

Daehwi turns to him, curious. “Hmm? What do you mean?”

“We’ve finally had our debut so we’re like those stars—we’re shining.”

Maybe it’s the way Jinyoung says it with so much conviction and hope that when the negative thoughts from earlier start creeping up on the younger’s mind again, he is able to ward them off. His hyung’s right, there’s no use pressuring himself so much—there will always be people who’ll love him so he needs to learn how to love himself as well.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Daehwi leans close to Jinyoung and rests his head on the elder’s steady shoulder, already feeling tired. Like second nature, Jinyoung immediately encircles an arm around him, securing the younger close to him. They’ll be okay.

 

When Sungwoon wakes up, the sun has already taken its place on the eastern horizon. He stretches mechanically, joints cracking because of the weird sleeping position he was in last night. He looks around the room, still quite disoriented, and when his vision falls on his two other roommates the sight he is welcomed to almost makes him coo.

Jinyoung and Daehwi are huddled close together, the blanket serving as their personal burrito wrap. He sees that Jinyoung has placed a hand under Daehwi’s neck and the younger has snuggled close to his chest, eliminating all the space between them. It’s the cutest and purest thing ever that Sungwoon just wants to snap a photo of them. They truly are made for each other.

Suddenly, he sees something in Jinyoung’s hand, which he grabs. It’s Daehwi’s composition notebook, the cover already worn out through the years.

It’s opened on a specific page and inside, written in Jinyoung’s pretty scrawl, it reads:

_For you will always have my hand to hold every time the loneliness in your heart consumes you and the light of day seems so far away._

_—B.J.H._

These kids, really.


End file.
